Notorious B.I.G

kitty in my bed

2011-05-25T23:42:00.000-04:00

So, a lot has happened in the past few months. I graduated, I got a new car, and ...yea, tornadoes.
My heart breaks for those people who have family and loved ones who are just missing and can't be found.
I hate that people have had to go through such traumatic events, AND deal with the emotional effects as well. Its too much, or I should say so much.

Graduation was fine, but my party was better. I loved how many people came to celebrate with me. It meant so much to have so many people I love there with me. It really changed my emotions for the time being.

I got a new car-granted I'll be paying it off for the next 5 years, but it gets awesome gas mileage and is super cute. Still nameless though.

I need to learn patience, and not worry about what everyone else is doing. I need to learn they is they and me is me. Different people, different situations. Not the same.
Its just so hard to keep emotions and logic clearly defined when I react to something.

.

2011-02-27T11:19:00.001-05:00

Pretty sure I've got a tinge of depression going on here.
I'm not made to go, go, go and that's all it ever seems like.

I go to work to school back to work back to school until 7:45pm or 9:15pm.
Its non stop, and I just feel like I don't enjoy much anymore.

There's an internal conflict between my roles I almost feel like I'm being ripped into
a million different pieces and the only thing that makes me rest is sleeping, and that I can never get enough of that either.

I'm work Meagan, school Meagan, girlfriend Meagan, Christian Meagan, and friend Meagan and it just never stops.
and I feel like all I do is apologize, I've abandoned friends and have become uber insatiable with the way things are going right now.
I'm mean and grumpy and when I realize I'm being this way I'm not happy with myself.
Which puts me down a self dislike path, where I'm counting every little flaw with myself.

I need school to be over now. I don't want to do this anymore.

The Evolution of Desire

2011-02-01T23:54:00.001-05:00

FYI: if you ever want to read a book about sexual desires...

DONT.

i thought human sexuality class was going to be something different..

the book Evolution of Desire really.. makes you not like being human and possibly not even enjoy the idea of having a partner or "mate", if you will.

it's very cynical and makes you feel like the only reason we have "relations" is for the purpose of reproduction;

men ONLY have emotional investments into women because they HAVE to do it in order to get to the real goal.

sex.

and the reason we have sex...

reproduction *cue the song from Grease II*

gotta have good genes for that, so they look for symmetry and women with a 7:10 hip ratio, (sarcasm coming up) which indicates reproductive value and fertility!

blargh, this is not what i needed.

why can't we just talk about homosexuals? thats what i thought i was getting myself into.

BUT since homosexuality typically does not result in reproduction-we wont be studying this.

unless of course you are a man looking for casual sex. then by all means, have a go at homosexuality.

man, this book...

(at least i know the material,

and if i am lost for words on the test

just mention men want to ejaculate and get an A)

What are the risks for men having casual sex?
"Men risk contracting sexually transmitted diseases, acquiring a poor reputation as a womanizer, or suffering injury from a jealous husband" (Buss 91). :)

goodnight all!

an oblog.

2010-12-22T00:26:00.002-05:00

i know that it is extremely late and that i should be asleep, but i'm still on boat time.

and when you are on boat time, you sleep when you are ready.
(i'm also, hesitant to sleep bc Jonathan is sick and if he needs me i want to be able to get to him)

you have no idea what kind of obstacles i have overcome on this journey to the southern region on the americas! i've said it before, and i think you don't believe me -but i have become a scaredy cat.

fears of the boat malfunctioning, fears of the plane malfunctioning.

i am scared of the uncommon to me.

this trip has forced me out of my comfort zone with a swift kick in the butt, and said "Go have fun!"

and when a trip kicks you swiftly in the butt, you better do what it says.

with a dedicated and wonderful boyfriend to calm me when i get frazzled, i made it out alive!

some tips learned along the way:

1. be open and kind to those servicing you - they will take excellent care of you if you do.

2. God always provides people you need at that point in your life when you are scared to death

3. always trust australians, and

4. never, ever, under any circumstance, trust a monkey -they will force themselves upon you and steal your diamond earrings for fun.

on this journey, i've done some soul searching, and thinking.

Eat, Pray, Love so far is an excellent book, and I can't wait to finish it. Elizabeth makes herself so vulnerable and opens up feelings that, i think, every girl has felt. and she does it in such a "i know i'm crazy-matter of fact" kind of way.

i plan to subject myself to research soon. (don't worry) my own research.

i plan on blogging for a year on the different methods of taming the untamable PMS symptoms.

i've got more research/methods to uncover, and also figure out my own documentation methods but i think i need to do this...

for my own sake - and those i love around me.

my fear is that i wont find anything that helps and that this will all be in vain to discover that women really are just crazy.

i'm praying for optimism

i'm praying for a stable balance

and i'm praying.

It's about time.

2010-12-06T20:59:00.000-05:00

going through a dry run of your photo results and coming across this...

you will "L O L"

at least i did at 1 in the morning.

the more i look at it, the better it gets.

i'm sorry, i know i'm mean.

i feel like i feel the best i've felt in a long time, i'm not sure what is different or, even if anything is different..but i feel better.

maybe its school almost being over

maybe its the lack of caffeine intake

maybe its confidence coming from no where

maybe its the natural cactus fruit pills

maybe i've learned to talk myself out of things. can it be?!?

i can't believe i will be done with college in the spring.

i'm getting on a plane in a week to then get on a boat.

"Mommy do Zombies Go Poopie?

2010-11-03T23:24:00.001-04:00

A friend of mine asked me this tonight, and i really got to thinking..
DO zombies poop?!
So i thought i would do some research, and i only had to type in "do zombies" and the 2nd
thing that automatically filled the search bar was "do zombies poop".
WOW, people had thought about this before...
and i discovered there's some real research to be done here.
a forum fella named Erik posted this little diddy, "The Zombie Survival Guide says that the food just collects in the stomach, since the digestive system doesn't function. There was a passage about one zombie being found with 150 pounds of human flesh in his digestive tract." (Erik, 1)

With that being said i guess that is the next book i read after i finish Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Eat Love Prey (just kidding i know its Pray; i just thought it'd be funny considering the topic)

Other theorists believe that zombies just fill up with food until they burst.

My next layer of research is what do humans do when they die?
Well, my friends, our body relaxes and it all comes out. Ever heard those embarrassing stories of people being found in their pee and feces? I promise this relates!

So, my theory is FIRST! You must identify the zombie. The first is the "undead" or "reanimated" zombie in the majority of the beginning zombie movies. (Night of the Living Dead.. George Romero kinda stuff...)
Second, we've got the viral zombie which is 28 Days later and Quarantine related.

(Resident Evil can be considered both-but we wont go there.)

Anyway, the undead zombies in my opinion would NOT poop. There might be that initial "oh i'm dead" poop but as far as a daily or (insert number of poops per day), i doubt there would be any of those. Their body cells are dead, they aren't breathing or processing anything. Honestly, i can't even for sure say they "eat". Plus, half of the time their intestines are hanging out so those clearly aren't working.

Viral zombies def poop! They are humans that are alive that have become "crazed" as Michelle Rodriquez's character in Resident Evil puts it. They've got "the itch" for brainz, blood or they are just straight up hungry. They might not be responsive but they still have functioning body organs (at least to my knowledge, there are situations where the "virus" burns up their systems..but i'm not going there) Either way, i think viral zombies poop, they just don't realize it like sane people do. They probably are like babies and just go, i can't imagine them just hopping a squat on an abandon home's toilet to take the time to poop.
No time for that, brainz!

This photo was taken from http://artheat.net/labels/ava.html

i'm sorry i've taken up so much of your time, hopefully this either made you realized you hadn't pooped today, or made you laugh. Either or is fine :)

This is not a test.

2010-10-11T18:41:00.000-04:00

actually, it is.

i'm writing a paper on hermaphroditism, and i'm a little concerned. i'll have to present it in class and i'm fearful for the eruption that will come from the conversation and opinions of the class.

take note: hermaphroditism does not equal transgendered.

i think too many of times we are ...too afraid to really stand for something or to speak our opinions because we are supposed to be so..."accepting".
i was watching something from The View on the whole topic and everyone jumped all over a lady for saying she didn't want her son to wear a dress.
what ever happened to opinions being ok? you want your son to wear a dress and she doesn't...
what's the issue with that?
i don't get it.

if you're going to throw the whole idea of "acceptance" out there;
you better make sure you can accept a conservative idea in return.

what's even scarier..
there's a transgendered guy in the class and he always makes his opinion known.

I failed...

2010-09-30T23:54:00.001-04:00

I thought some people might enjoy hearing about my failure tonight at Petco (where the pets go).

Jonathan needed some mice for Tut (the snake), so we go to dinner at Zaxby's and onward to Petco (where the pets go)...
We walk in and the first thing you see are the mice, "meh, I'm going to look around" I said.
I pass the mice and immediately to my right are sweet, little, baby kitties that are meowing for adoption.
I squeal and run into where they are keeping them, and fell in love twice in 2 minutes.
Jonathan and Grieco leave me alone in the room, where I do my baby voice talk to the kitties...and put them away and attempt to leave..
*dun, dun, dun*

playboy kitty, Simon

"Meow" goes one of the little kitties and again, "Meow"...
I go back over and cuddle the little baby again, then I finally thought to myself, "Dad would kill me for bringing home a kitty in addition to our 2, who are already dying for attention."
I put the kitty named, "Simba" back in the cage. And leave.

I meander around the store with Jonathan until we check out, occasionally still looking back at the kitties...finally we leave...

Once I get in the car, I cry the whole way home.
I'm home now, and still feel guilty for leaving the babies. :(

at this rate...

2010-09-27T11:59:00.001-04:00

i think im going to run myself down pretty soon. im getting all the symptoms at least.
symptoms:
   -dont care
   -tired
   -dont care
     -skipping class
   -dont care
i think you catch my drift.

   good news. im using my camera, even better news- will be buying a new one soon.

the more i talk about abortion the more upset i get about it, sociology courses really rub me sometimes, people are selfish and selfish and selfish.
me, me, me -my, my, my.
gosh, you people need to just get beat up one good time for being that way, yea.. i like it, the selfish police comin' to get ya! be nice to people!

uhh, im ready for the fair and a brief vacation to somewhere. also! ready for a cruise :) *crosses fingers*

im so avoidant its ridiculous. school work interferes with my social life, and i can't say i enjoy it. (i know i do this every semester)

edit: P.S: check out this band called The Naked and Famous. (owow-so awesome)

He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of company b.

2010-08-05T22:42:00.000-04:00

Old jazzy swanky music is really getting me.

Why we don't have more of it...i really don't know.

but, this playlist called, "Fancy" i've got going is so wonderful.

Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, Billie Holiday etc etc.

Ella, i mean this is good stuff.

Anyone need a wedding mix? Lemme know.

i think i missed my calling. Ready? A flapper.

Can i? can i?

i'll run the prohibition, dance in my swanky dress, and have beads.

i can dig it.

things are good as of yet, counseling slapped my brain, school has almost begun and i'm looking to get my paper in may. AHHHHHH

plans?

i think i'm going to go talk to someone at a learning disability school and see what needs to be done as far as a masters goes to get in. :-D yipppee

A small note to photography:

Dear photography,

We sometimes have a love hate relationship.

I want you, and I want to do you really well.

But at the same time, I don't want to be forced to ever take a picture.

You know how I get when I'm forced. It's not pretty.

Anywho, sorry I shut you out last blog. Irrational me.

Love,

Meagan.

life test tomorrow. i don't want to fail again. but yet, i blog when i need to study ??

i'm so good at avoidance.

the bf, is amazing. wonderful. hey you, i love you.

*muah*

Truth be told.

2010-08-01T17:53:00.001-04:00

I don't think I can take pictures anymore.

:(

beep

2010-07-07T19:21:00.000-04:00

i think my regulatory-lady-pill has stopped regulating.
and by regulating, i mean my hormones.

i don't understand why its genetically important for women to get so pissy and emotionally weird
ALL THE TIME.
( o. and did i mention these fits are over nothing? well, just incase i didn't. its all over nothing.)

*beep* you estrogen. *beep* you.

Wholie-matrimony

2010-06-28T18:35:00.000-04:00

Dear Entire World,

Please stop getting engaged/ married.

You're stressing me out and making my mind whirly & dreamy.

and now is not the time.

love,

meagan.

2010-05-31T21:01:00.000-04:00

welp… i guess its that time to blog again…

Honestly in my opinion its been too long for my liking, but, in all seriousness i’ve been too busy to do it AND when i’m not busy.. i don’t want to be on the computer.

anywho, i started a new job and am licensed in Property & Casualty insurance! it’s a change and is something that i’m not used to, but so far in the week that i’ve worked there i’ve already seen a huge improvement.

( i did an engagement shoot for some friends :) )

so, that being said, i have some things on my mind:

Marriage stipulations

My Naïve-ness

Christians & our behavior.

· basically, i know too many people who have been planning a wedding or in the process of planning a wedding and other people try to run their show. IM SORRY, are you the one who just got proposed to? NO?

o ok then, shut your mouth.

            too many people like to put their input in when there was never a suggestion box to begin with. i’m sorry but when the time comes for me to start planning my wedding, i pity the fool who tries to tell me how to do MY wedding or who to put in it or where to have it or what we should or should not do.
   i have no patience for that, or making the bride feel like she’s done something wrong because she wants to have someone else be her maid of honor or she wants dancing at the wedding.
            call me bridezilla when the time comes if you want, but i don’t think that would be irrational, to plan a wedding the way you and your fiancé want it.
            right? Ugh. i don’t understand people

·      WHICH leads to my next topic. i am so naïve and completely honest. let me tell you a story. ..
   once upon a time, in the month of May a young lady was taking her class on how to become a insurance agent. during this week long class that was 8 hours long a day…this young lady’s teacher was late coming back from lunch one day, in which someone came in to sub for an hour and a half. half way through the sub’s teaching he called for a ten minute break and later resumed teaching. THEN the teacher came back and started to teach. about an hour into his teaching he asked the class if they had already had their ten minute break in which the young lady nodded and said yes. during her nodding she noticed everyone else in the class shaking their heads saying no…

WHAT? really? i would’ve never thought to lie and that moment.. and was shocked that everyone else did with out a beat. i guess that was one instance that i realized i really am different from everyone else.
   i’m not of this world…

·     finally, i’ve talked with some people who are non-Christians, and i’m a little ashamed sometimes of us as a whole. apparently, many of us shove the gospel down people’s throats with out any love, any compassion, and full of hypocrisy. excuse me?!
   what about: “let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”
                                                            1 Timothy 4:12

if i speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. & if i have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if i have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, i am nothing. if i give away all i have, and if i deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, i gain nothing.
love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. it does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13: 1-7

i think we get too harped up on converting others or being “right” we forget the way we are supposed to behave towards others. & i often think about how many we’ve lost because of people who claim to be Christians behave in offensive and cocky behavior. i’ve heard too many stories of people who were scared into Christianity rather than welcomed in by people who set a good example.
i’m sorry for those who experienced that, and just know we aren’t all i'm right and your wrong...some of us are filled with love and concerned about your well being.

The Funeral. As Lovers Go. Dudley.

2010-05-07T02:16:00.002-04:00

i went to the lady doctor today for the annual. :-/
luckily every year gets less and less traumatic for me.
i dunno call me crazy, but the idea of it isn't comfortable... and probably psyched me out the 1st time.

leading to my point...
i think everyone needs a good experience with their
lady doctor. i support going to a LADY, lady doctor because they go through what you do.
and usually are more sensitive to you.
i love telling my lady doctor that im not sexually active because for once i feel like i get support from
someone.
its so hard to abstain sometimes and if you can do it i think it should be congratulated not...
looked down upon. so many people think im weird or doing something wrong
by not having sex.

i never really felt "persecuted" as a Christian, but i do when i talk about sex.
i guess we all have our trials, and i can say that thats mine.

i feel like so much is about to happen but im expecting it and have to wait for it.
like, doing my internship and getting this new job.
i hate waiting, and i hate feeling like there's so much to get done but i can't actually
do it yet. bargghhh.

ive decided if and when i have a baby, i want to start projecting positive energy all the time once i find out that i'm preggers. i believe babies know when they are wanted and everything involving the personality starts from birth. . so i'm going to be the mommy who talks to the womb baby before it comes out. :) i also want it to be as calm and peaceful as possible. i want to try to not yell and no one else yell or be frantic.
no, im not a scientologist or whatever, i just imagine going from a dark warm place to a freezing, bright, & loud environment is a huge shock.
so, i might even try to have the lights dimmed.

maybe i'm thinking too far ahead or whatever, but hey,
a girl has to know what she wants. right?!

mushaboom. claps

2010-04-30T02:00:00.000-04:00

hey hey! so apparently people read this thing?! whhhaaa?
im flattered guys! really.
so, shout outs to you guys who told me you read this & to those of you who
like to keep your readings on the dl. i understand.

so, yesterday, i went and picked a mcdouble up from the creeper clown himself;
took a few bites... slowed down...and started to think about what i was eating.
and honestly, the thought of how bad for me this "food" is grossed the
crap out of me. literally. needless to say i put it down, and waited til after work
to eat something less gross.
i guess i'll have to start packing my lunch since fast food makes me want to puke right now.

ALSO, side note, my gag reflexes are super sensitive lately & stuff that used to not bother me
totally bother me.
i.e.
carlie got her septum pierced and the thought of watching made me want to pass out.
where have my balls gone?! i used to be crazy.. or at least pretty fearless when it came to stuff
like that. i don't think i'm going to like this new development.

i'm starting personal therapy on myself. i will be learning to let things go & not bother me
when they do not matter. i will learn to trust my personal & intimate relationships with other people.
no, i cannot control other people and if i get hurt, i get hurt. i can always bounce back- i always do.

OH. i'm working on a website! it'll basically include photos, about me stuff, and blogging.
it'll basically be this but more in depth and cooler looking. (so get ready for that)

i haven't "announced" this per se, due to my worrying of something going wrong or not going thru
but i got a new job. and i'm pretty excited about it.

Adios, mis amigos de Wolf!

Feist. Elvis. VelvetUnderground. RickJames. & She&Him.

2010-04-20T23:13:00.001-04:00

(the brownie looking things are: banana peanut butter cookie bites. dee-lish)

those guys are having a personal party on my macbook. its sayin' lets chill but we can
still get a little funky, you know? we can get down too.

i have something to say about "photography"..
too many people are getting into it, and it makes me want to put my camera down
and let it rest. i guess that would be me trying to be cool, right?

let me be clear first, this blog isn't directed to anyone in my circle of friends.
i work at a camera store remember? i get bombarded with "professional photographers"
everyday.

but 1. i typically enjoy taking pictures, other than when i'm told to take them.
   2. a digital slr doesn't mean you are a photographer, and by no means a professional.
   3. i read too much into things, so i'm sure, this is me over analyzing other people's interest
   in something i like as well.
   4. i've seen some stuff that, well, isn't good... and people fall for them thinking that they are
"professional". -i'm sorry you got screwed.
   5. oh! really?! you're a professional? and you're doing your edits at wolf camera on the most simple editing software ever? wow, you must be real good.
   6. ( please don't hate me for these thoughts, like i said, no one in particular. i just miss photography being a secret instead of a hobby like glass bottle boats or something. i guess removing myself from wolf would help the....overwhelming flux of people playing photographer.)

Draft saved at 11:11 PM

p.s. don't take this as me having a big head. this isn't me declaring my stuff as da bomb.
its just like, everyone can do it now, and there's nothing significant about it.

biker salute.

2010-04-14T09:05:00.003-04:00

on a more positive note from yesterday..
i want to commemorate the biker salute
you've seen it,
that hand going down on the side of the bike when another biker passes...

there is nothing more exciting to me than when i see 2 bikers do it,
or when my dad does it when i'm riding with him on his bike..
its totally cool to wave at strangers just because you have something in common.

i think we should do more stuff like this... mac people wave! car people wave!
honk if you love my bumper sticker! outta control? ...sorry..

this is what the biker salute says to me.
total level of respect, and laid back attitude.

its like, "what up man, i respect you and your bike."

(im turning into a nerd)

stupid girls

2010-04-13T19:35:00.000-04:00

i think i want to do a study on stupid girls.
i don't mean stupid as in,
"this girl doesn't have the mental capabilities to make an educated decision"

i mean stupid as in,
"this girl has the mental capability to make a good decision, and doesn't."

primarily, the stupid girl.
then, slut girl.
then, girl who doesn't know she can get better.
then, girl who makes mistakes.
then girl who relies on a guy to make them happy.
then girl who thinks she's pretty when she's not.

these girls just make me so outraged.
these girls are better than this..

estudiar playlist

2010-04-07T00:15:00.002-04:00

i made a pretty good study playlist... i've got this new thing with playlists now.
i get distracted easily and its enough words to sing along with during projects
but quiet enough to write my papers
o well, ill get thru it.. i always do with or with out procrastination.

who am i kidding. with
i would just be rather doing something with my hands. i focus better that way
reading really sucks.
unless its a good book, then it doesn't

i've made the decision, 1st year not going to camp in about... 12 years
last year was just too bad for me.
the kids don't care about God and they have terrible attitudes; so i'm taking a
break for a year and maybe i can go back next year a bit more prepared.

it will be strange, and i probably will miss it, but i'm not mentally there
to handle what i did last year and i just really left totally discouraged last year.
there's no spiritual concern by the kids.. and i've never experienced camp like that.

...you are so good to me, and i am so thankful for you.
you always make everything better, you talk to me when i need you to, and you let me know when i'm being stupid or worrying for nothing.
....just what i've always needed.

RRRAAWWRRRR.meow

2010-03-25T00:59:00.003-04:00

so, let me just share with you some snippets from a website that talks about people like me.
and by me, i mean, leos. *dun, dun, dun*

now, before you go off thinking i'm now currently believing in something crazy let me be clear

i do not think that these "signs" predict the future of an individual.

but i do believe that its possible that certain months have certain qualities that people have.
i know several different friends that have same characteristics born in the same month.
is it similar living conditions forming their personas or is it their month of birth?
idk, but this really is me and other leos that i know & from my knowledge we
grew up totally different.
Sensitive and Moody
"Athough moody, Leos tend to be optimistic most of the time.
However, Leos that receive insufficient attention can grow depressed and sullen."
me? *check*
Strong and Athletic
"Most Leos are athletic and energetic...
flaw being a tendency to put on excess weight due to overindulgence"
me? *check*
Creative and Attention
"Combination of creativity and a need for the spotlight
suits many Leos to careers that involve either performance
or working with the public in some capacity"
Vain and Assertive
"Often the confident,
capable Leo persona covers some degree of low self-esteem
or worries about attractiveness and other personal traits."
mmhmm*check*
Passionate and Protective
"Leos are very passionate and sensual.
In love, they are romantic.
They are also ferociously protective of friends,
lovers and family, and most are willing to die for what they believe in." again. me? *check*
Altruistic and Warm Hearted
"Leos are usually quite soft-hearted
and have a particular fondness for children and animals"
totally me!! * check*
believe what you will, what you want to. but im totally into
this philosophy ive got going here.

if you want to check it out you can go here see if yours fits you.

night night, i mean. *meow*

Once Upon a Creative.

2010-03-15T02:31:00.007-04:00

i miss art class, i really hope i can get an override for my

relative studies so i can get into an upper level art class.

i'm thinking preferably ceramics, doubt it but hopeful.

i think since i'm not a teen angst high school girl anymore i've

totally lost my creativity. :-(

i hope not...

i've got some things in my mind kind i haven't been able to get over

because they were unfinished or never addressed...

bargghh. ill just say it.

To guy: i'm so pissed at you for ditching me all those years ago.

i can handle being dumped, i can't handle losing a best friend. you suck.

To girl: i don't know what made you all of the sudden stop talking to me,

or if i have done anything, but you could at least address me so i knew what

i did...

i made jonathan dinner the other night.. :) and felt like

a lady in the kitchen. who knows maybe my creative juices are transferring

to the kitchen. Julia Childs anyone?? "Bon Appetite!"

Next obstacle: Corn Bread.

i noticed the other day before a presentation that i wasn't nervous and THAT

made me nervous... i have changed. i am not really scared of people anymore.

it feels good, but i'm not technically used to it.

(good evening atlanta, howyoudoin?)

the real test would going poop in a multi-stalled bathroom.

(not anytime soon, bathroom stage freight syndrome kicks in when i pee)

i've got a wedding hopefully lined up for july, and looking forward to it!

welp, for now, i've got no political stand point to rant about.

but come back in about a week,

i've got some interesting documentaries lined

up to watch.

Super High Me
Zombiemania
The Human Face
Confessions of a Super Hero
America the Beautiful
The Business of Being Born

**taking a nap on the nights i need to go to bed early for my 8 am class is a bad choice**

Organic.

2010-03-04T14:22:00.003-05:00

ok, so the more sociology i get into to more interested i am in things like:

corporations- the bad guys??
poverty-the victims??
government-the dumb guys!
etc etc...

this isn't like me,
i usually don't care and am indifferent to all these subjects.

BUT not anymore.
(its such a big deal i blog about it :) )

i don't want to use big food producers anymore,

as hippie as it sounds, when i get a place of my own i think i want to

grow my own vegetables... silly? kinda? maybe.. but i don't want all these unnecessary

chemicals in me! ugh, i want antibiotics to work when i need them to... and i def. don't want

my kids to get into that either, now, don't freak.. they can still eat fast food

there just will be a moderate balance of the 2.

im kinda excited about classes.

work isn't killing me right now, things have simmered down.

my computer is like a child to me.

AND its made me excited about school work, because i get to use it. ha.

loser? meh, ok.

Justice: Tthhee Pparrttyy :)

Hey, Society!?

2010-02-21T15:43:00.001-05:00

so, in my social organizations class we were talking about technology

and how it dumbs us down.

let me explain, yes, we are a smarter society because we have these super cool gadgets

and these gadgets tend to make our life easier...

but, we dont remember how to do the simple things like spelling or subtraction

thanks to the registers at work i just spit out the change it tells me to.

i dont know how to subtract the balance if the register fails right on the spot

i have to use the calculator or write it out.

forget doing it in my head.

AND

a few days ago i was writing down my notes in class from the teacher

and I had no idea how to spell some of the words.

i forgot how to spell. : -/

thank you spell check for me fully relying on you.

a lady in class was talking about how her friend was helping their kid

study for a spelling test... and didnt know how to spell some of the words.

we are becoming stupid.

even now, before i publish this blog, im going to spell check.

idunno,
im kinda concerned about the world, and where technology is going to lead us.

i dont know if i want that much technology, to control me or "help" me.

its kinda scary... like really.

Sickning

2010-02-09T22:39:00.014-05:00

most messed up movie ever.
it made me absolutely sick to watch. warning to anyone who is remotely sensitive: it will tear you up inside.

lighter note:
camp interview i think went pretty well; and if it counts as an internship & i go i would seemingly be in charge or teaching ceramics!! :-D

its been so long, my hands will probably shrivel at the sight of clay, and need the thickest

most moist lotion ever.

even lighter note:
my bf is my calming effect; i dont even think i can put into words...

im the worry wart he's the cool calm and collected guy that calms me down when ive worried myself into a fit.
its such a good situation.

wanna here something lame?

its our first 48 hrs apart this week... heh.

spoiled? yes? do i care? no. :)

project macbookpro, is almost in full swing--excitation!

to do list:

~~1. emile durkheim presentation~~

~~2. annotated bib~~

3. study guide

a. theory

~~b. social class~~

~~4. macbook~~

~~5. passport renewal~~

6. pray more...

check this song out:

epic last song by does it offend you, yeah?

-you'll wanna dance and snuggle at the same time.

im such a girl, omg?

2010-01-19T20:30:00.004-05:00

after a few years not tracking my spending habits

ive decided i need to start writing down what i purchase again.

unfortunately, it is convenient to use the electronic bank statements and not even think, "this purchase will make me x amount more poor "i buy, and dont think.

or i rationalize, "i really want this" i eat out too much at restaurants and fast food, and am not happy with my clothing so i just purchase.

well, world.

i'm going to change this *hopes*

1. write down purchases

2. eat in as much as possible

3. save 100 dollars per pay check (which might be impossible with our cut hours, but hey, i can try..)

4. avoid old navy, forever 21, & the like..

topic #2

i cant wait to look back and watch "i love the (whatever title they deem this era)"; because its going to talk about our sudden overload obsession with the apocalypse.

dont get me wrong, i kinda like the movies, (especially the zombie ones!!!)

its interesting to see what "they" think we will be like when we are down to our bare minimums....we obviously will eat each other, and become awful people.

i think for the most part...

we will become terrible mean people in the event (me thinks)

maybe,it would be a more humbling effect?

-realizing we dont have it all even if we think we do?

maybe, back to the basics of a caring society?

maybe, im dreaming & we will just straight up will be bad nasties. :(

book of eli was really interesting, it made me feel good to see theatre talking about religion as important in the end.

maybe, just maybe, it would be good.

but it wouldnt matter, because wont be able to read. hrmph.

write everything down, it makes sure you do it.

to do lists and planners are the way to go.

dear "the root of all evil",

fall into my lap and fill it til it cannot be filled anymore.

then, plant your seed of secrets to success into my brain so that i may know your ways.

but,

do not let me become obsessed.

love your semi-friend,

meagan. *kisses*

ohmanohman. newmoonhater

2009-11-28T23:16:00.006-05:00

and, im thinking about blogging about twilight right now?
so, in a nutshell:

1. i hate everything edward represents. he's that guy that little girls fantasize about.

totally unrealistic and leads brainless girls on. he's the beautiful one that girls view as flawless and no matter what happens the girl will be brainless for. he's the guy that says exactly what he's supposed to when he's supposed to and girls fall to bits.

2. bella represents all of the retarded girls we have out there that have no idea why they are with a guy. the intense irrational love at first sight is so stupid.

3. there's a part in the movie where bella's dad says something like loving the one who's right for you... in real life edward would not be the one who's right for her i dont think.
ya, i might be biased, since i just straight up dont like the character.

but who cares.

4. team jacob fo' sho (but i still hate the message going out to little girls)

yes, ill probably get flack for blogging about this. im sorry, i know its a movie and not a big deal but if the fans can go bizerk,

i can do the opposite can't i?

or maybe im a hater because it didnt go the way i wanted, but who wants to live forever, anyway? sounds lame and boring..

+ id rather go to heaven be with good people than stay here with not good people FOR FOREVER. sheesh get over the vampire thing, werewolves are the way to go. :)

ohman ohman!

i cant stop listening to daft punk and ratatat.
cantstop cantstop.

+ i need God.

mentaldrama.

2009-11-18T21:44:00.003-05:00

i feel like a paranoid schizophrenic when im in a relationship.

who knows why ive got a trust issue and why i question everything...

but, its fall and im ok with that.

and hallelujah school is drawing to the near.

i miss the freedoms of el summer.

:-*

2009-09-23T03:07:00.002-04:00

laughing and kissing at around-about the same time makes me the happiest.
that is all i have to say

I prob. over exherted myself already.

2009-09-08T20:54:00.005-04:00

BARHGGGG.

So, I'm being proactive about everything but reading for my classes.

and, everything in the world seems better than reading.

I'm so comfortable with saying,"I'm not doing anything wrong";

its scary.

(mi no me gusta)

Inglourious Basterds in probably the best movie of my life.

I LOVE how Quentin has a vindictive lady in his movies.

He kinda films all his movies like inside jokes

& luckily for him everyone picks up on it

and thinks is hilarious.

Side note: My social problems class is really opening my eyes to how many issues the world has.

Which has also opened my eyes to the fact im totally and utterly not one sided.

"Lets give away free health care"; "Lets over tax the rich to help the poor"; "I work for my money and I don't want to give it to someone who doesn't want to work"

- if we saw everything from the opposite side we'd probably have a better functioning government. (poor try to see from the rich's eyes and the rich see it from the poor people's eyes)

-yea, sure, you can have your free health care, just as long as you keep private doctors in function for people to choose if they want to pay for no lines and better quality.
-yea, sure, you can tax the rich 60% of their entire yearly income. just as long as you know you'll be loosing the same percentage out of your check. everyone is missing the same amount.

So now, fair is square baby, eat your little cookie.

Bathroom Convo.

2009-08-07T00:36:00.005-04:00

People at work think i'm weird.

i'm pretty sure I got lead on for the 1st time.

:-/ oh well i guess.

i think to fall in love again will be fun and exciting.

i miss that whole real-deal companionship, but i really don't want anything rushed because i've realized (from the above statement) i get attached fast.

Crazy! i really don't want to be irrational next time.

i watched home movies tonight from when i was a baby & i really loved music as a kid.
They would turn on music & i would conduct while dancing.

i'm ready to move out... take care of myself, cook and clean my house, decorate it.

i'm also ready to get a real job. i've said that for a while now, but its impossible to find something i want to do and still be qualified to do it.

i'm so thankful for a basically stress and drama free ex-relationship.

compared to what i've seen we are awesome & rare and i love it.
thank you. :)

my birthday is coming up, im on my way to being an old lady. argh!! :)

andddd.... school is exciting me. :)

I'm Being Cynical

2009-05-25T22:16:00.005-04:00

Forgive me but...
I just got done watching Jon and Kate +8 premier and
its really hit me. Before you start reading and think
"She's just being bitter because she doesn't have a boyfriend anymore",
stop right there. You're wrong, I've felt this way for a while, just haven't said anything.
I'm not sad or upset, just thoughtful. If you aren't in the mood stop reading.

In my opinion:
Everything you have seen in the movies about love is complete and utter craziness.
No one stays in love or falls in love the way they make it look.
The reason marriages don't last is because people take what the media creates for us and thinks that is love, and get married.

Wrong.
People don't know God (aka love) anymore.
You can't always plan ahead to all of the wonderful and all bad things that will come your way in life but you do need to plan for things to suck.
Marriage needs to be to someone who will be with you at all times: quiet times, hard times, crazy times, angry times, and spiritual times. YES, spiritual times which is the most difficult to let someone into, atleast for me. (I think I know I've found my husband when we pray together.)
Marriage also should consist of the different types of love, not just the type of love that you feel when you are "in love".
When I think of loving someone i immediately begin to think of care giving, helping, and generosity. (When I have loved those are the things I feel for those people, I want to be there for them and get them through whatever it is.)
If we went into marriage wanting to take care of them and knowing that eventually one day its going to be different.

Things will change.
Maybe it would be easier for couples?

A Damien Rice quote, "Love taught me to lie".
When you love someone you lie to them. Take that how you want to, but you lie to them because you don't want to hurt them. Its true and its kind of endearing even though we are supposed to pride ourselves in truth telling.
I like this ^ and still want to marry and be in love again one day;
knowing I will be lied to and will probably lie in return.

You know, I've changed my mind. I'm being a realist not a cynic.

life at the moment.

2009-05-17T21:59:00.002-04:00

bads:

i miss my camera

i hardly pray
ive had the same chest cough since april 20th

there's not a potential fella in sight

jeffrey might have given me scabbies :-/

goods:

i am definatly more outgoing

im reading -mere christianity; which is helping with the prayer situation

im making more money

im trying to take others into more consideration

i realized everyone has issues with themselves inside/outside;
and for the majority i really love me.

we're still friends. :-)

2009-04-06T00:45:00.003-04:00

whats great is that im going to be fine
like thats not just some line.
its the 3 day hump and whatever is coming my way will be fine.
i pray the friendship thing will work, im feeling optimistic about it.

whats next?
end of the semester whoo.

i dont know why im so obsessed with the whole break dancing thing.
i just want to do it.

2009-04-02T18:52:00.000-04:00

ugh..

Ugh. Promise

2009-03-19T09:56:00.002-04:00

Blog,
I promise I'll write again soon.
Everything in the world is going on this next week coming up and I'm super busy.

slow down, you move to fast.

2009-02-26T14:39:00.002-05:00

ive got a lot in my head, and want to fix it all.

i dont want to seem like a nut job or that i have a lot of issues
but i know it seems like that.
i dont think i have a lot of issues its just my one issue affects a lot.
i haven't prayed so much in so long.

i need to take everything as the day comes and not rush anything anymore;
stop reading into everything.

easier said than done, but i want this so bad.
so im going to have to do this.

Mandibular tori

2009-02-06T21:33:00.002-05:00

I have a bone growth in my mouth that was caused probably from me grinding my teeth when I sleep.
The pictures online really gross me out and I hope they don't get like them.
I'm ready to go to the beach.
I go to Faulkner in less than 3weeks.. kinda excited, kinda not. :)
It'll be fine, I know.
I start birth-control for my uncontrollable emotions this Sunday, I really hope it works because I hate being the pms-girl at work and with friends/family.
I can't wait for flipflops.

My Human Services class is really making me realize that
I've never really suffered any financial issues and i feel naive.
We keep talking about how everything in the DFAX world other services is a vicious cycle,
and it makes so much sense.
You get in a sucky situation, you get help, but you dont have a GED so you really can't get a better paying job, you dont have time to go get a GED because you are trying to make ends meet and take care of your children, but even if you got a semi-better paying job you wouldn't qualify for assistance, but you still couldn't afford normal necessities.
So you stay at the bad paying job.

I wish the Continuing Education thing at school had a nursing program in the summer.
I'd save up and pay for it myself so I could do that while I'm finishing school.

did I mention I'm ready for flipflops?

Hard Changes.

2009-01-25T23:41:00.004-05:00

I'm so sorry I'm so paranoid
It's something in my head
That I can't avoid
And I want to be with you
And always will...

Freakin' Cold

2009-01-16T00:39:00.002-05:00

I truely hate cold weather.
It puts me in a reclusive mood.

On another note... I haven't downloaded any new music
in about a month or 2 and that could also affect the mood.
School seems to be going good so far I enjoy night classes and haven't fallen asleep yet in any of them.
Which is excellent for me. :-)
I hate being totally clueless about school and how it works....

I've gone 2 days with no caffeine and I'm not procrastinating the work I have in school..
the resolutions are looking promising.

Dialogue in the Dark

2009-01-04T00:56:00.004-05:00

Out of all the senses I could lose,
sight is not one I would ever think would be ok to be with out.
I can't imagine what people blind from birth go through not knowing what their mom looks like;
or boyfriend/ girlfriend.
I take so much comfort in just seeing my family, boyfriend, and friends...
Tonight at Dialogue in the Dark I really took a lot of comfort when I found Joey somehow in the dark...
:)
Blind people cant take photographs either.. .. . :(
take my taste, or speech; I want to hear and see though.

I never finish projects or books.
New Years Resolutions: Take daily vitamins, finish my projects, study, and lay off the caffeine.

New

2009-01-01T05:43:00.004-05:00

Its late and I cant sleep...
I left xanga for this hopefully it wont let me down.
( this wont be a daily updating thing.)
I needed a change from xanga, it was from 2004
and full of stuff that would take forever to delete.
this is better.