The Funeral. As Lovers Go. Dudley.

i went to the lady doctor today for the annual. :-/
luckily every year gets less and less traumatic for me.
   i dunno call me crazy, but the idea of it isn't comfortable... and probably psyched me out the 1st time.

leading to my point...
i think everyone needs a good experience with their
lady doctor. i support going to a LADY, lady doctor because they go through what you do.
and usually are more sensitive to you.
i love telling my lady doctor that im not sexually active because for once i feel like i get support from
someone.
its so hard to abstain sometimes and if you can do it i think it should be congratulated not...
looked down upon. so many people think im weird or doing something wrong
by not having sex.

i never really felt "persecuted" as a Christian, but i do when i talk about sex.
i guess we all have our trials, and i can say that thats mine.

i feel like so much is about to happen but im expecting it and have to wait for it.
like, doing my internship and getting this new job.
i hate waiting, and i hate feeling like there's so much to get done but i can't actually
do it yet. bargghhh.

ive decided if and when i have a baby, i want to start projecting positive energy all the time once i find out that i'm preggers. i believe babies know when they are wanted and everything involving the personality starts from birth. . so i'm going to be the mommy who talks to the womb baby before it comes out. :) i also want it to be as calm and peaceful as possible. i want to try to not yell and no one else yell or be frantic.
no, im not a scientologist or whatever, i just imagine going from a dark warm place to a freezing, bright, & loud environment is a huge shock.
so, i might even try to have the lights dimmed.

maybe i'm thinking too far ahead or whatever, but hey,
 a girl has to know what she wants. right?!